Barney and Friends Lost Episode

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Featuring the addition of a brand new character, Ronnie the Connoissaur!

FADE IN:

BARNEY stands in a large playroom, along with BABY BOP, a number of KIDS. He has his arm around RONNIE, a yellow dinosaur with a thin moustache who wears a floppy BERET.

BARNEY: Hi everyone, I want you to meet my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Ronnie. Ronnie’s a Connoissaur!
KIDS: Hi Ronnie!
BARNEY: Does anyone know what a Connoissaur is?
KIDS: Noooo.
BARNEY: A Connoissaur is a dinosaur who’s an expert on everything!
RONNIE: Well, a Connoissaur is usually an expert on just one thing. Like wine or fine art. But I am actually an expert on everything.
BABY BOP: My great uncle was part Connoissaur.
RONNIE: You can’t be part Connoissaur. Your uncle was probably just an Afficionadus Rex. Those are dinosaurs who really like something, but aren’t quite experts.

Baby Bop puts her head down, dismayed. Barney shoots Ronnie a “watch it” look.

BARNEY: So, does anyone have any super-dee-duper questions for Ronnie?

The kids raise their hands in the air.
BARNEY: Yes, Eric?
ERIC: How come real rainbows don’t taste like rainbow sherbet?
RONNIE: I’m glad you asked — this allows me to clear up a common misconception. You see, sherbet, coming from the Urdu language word “sharbat,” actually refers to a carbonated beverage, not the ice cream-like substance you and I know it as.
ERIC: But how come it doesn’t taste like real rainbows?
RONNIE: Because rainbows are nothing but particles of light, reflecting off of drops of moisture in the Earth’s atmosphere. And you can’t taste light.
ERIC: Yes you can! Barney taught us how last week.
BARNEY: I sure diddly did. How, everyone?
KIDS: By using your imagination!
RONNIE: Well, I don’t know about that. Your imagination uses the frontal lobe of your brain. Taste is experienced in the sensory cortex, so even in cases of sensory recollection, it would be impossible to taste with your imagination.
Eric starts to CRY. Barney grabs Ronnie’s elbow, pulling him aside.

BARNEY: I thought we talked about this at home. You said you’d play along.
RONNIE: I’m just trying to be helpful.
BARNEY: But you’re supposed to fudge the truth a bit. Make stuff up to keep the kids happy.
RONNIE: Well, what kind of Connoissaur would I be if I did that?
BARNEY: Look Ronnie, I didn’t bring you here to make them all cry.
RONNIE: Well, technically I shouldn’t be here at all. You and I have been extinct for millions of years, you know.

Barney looks away.

BARNEY: I really hate it when you say stuff like that.
RONNIE: It’s the truth, Barney. We were killed 65 million years ago when an asteroid collided with the Earth. You can’t live in denial forever.

Barney lets out a sigh of frustration.

BARNEY: I know, it’s just that.. I love you.
RONNIE: You love me?

Barney nods.

BARNEY: We’re a happy family.

Ronnie nuzzles his snout against Barney.

RONNIE: With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
BARNEY: Won’t you say you love me too?

Ronnie looks at Barney, and then out at the kids. He walks over to them.

RONNIE: Well, kids, it looks like it’s time for the lesson of the day.
KIDS: Yaaaay!
RONNIE: You know, I may be an expert on just about everything in the world, but in matters of the heart I’m a darn fool.

Barney and Ronnie embrace. The kids CHEER, and the THEME MUSIC swells.