If Juno were a Dinosaur…


JUNO MCGUFF dials the phone, which is shaped like a slab of raw meat. Her friend LEAH answers.

Leah: Bone-jiggity-jour, home-gillet.

Juno: I’m a total extinction risk.

Leah: Juno?

Juno: No, it’s Grimlock. You got any optimuses that need priming?

Leah: Only the one beneath my scaly abdomen…

Juno: I’m pregnant.

Leah: What? Honest to bog?

Juno: Yeah. My egg’s been laid like James. Dye my eyes and call me pity.

Leah: Maybe it’s a fake egg. One of those low-cholesterol substitutes.

Juno: I’ve taken like three blood tests. This ain’t no Egg Beater.

Leah: Shit. Fuck. Oh my Godwana, Pangea.

Juno: Yeah. It’s Bleeker’s.

Leah: Well, what are you gonna with the little Egg McGuffin? I say you scramble that huevo before you turn hard boiled.

Juno: Consider it poached. This is one baby I don’t want to bop.